a play for Reggie

On Tuesday we performed a play written in honor of Reggie. I would post some of it up here but Eric stole my copy because I'd added in a few lines and he wanted to type it up 'as it was performed' but he never gave it back to me. However, I may be able to recall a bit of the first scene (since I wrote it) to pass on to you...

Scena 1: Habemus Papam!

Reginaldus - (sedet, scribit, bibit) semper eadem historia est ... aliquid de ecclesia... aliquid de Pontifice decessore... bi beh bo bugggghhhhh ...(bibit)

Iohannes - (pulsat portam) Reginalde! Reginalde!

R. - ... aliquid de parvulis ... aliquid de pace...

I. - Reginalde! Ecquid audis!

R. - Au! Adsum, quid tum!?

I. - Reginalde! Conclavus TE elegit PONTIFICEM!

R. - Quid?? Stercus tauri! Tu es plenus stercoris, Iohanne. Semper joculator es.

I. - Non, non Reginalde - re vera! Conclavus elegit - (R. grunnit)
nominavit (R. grunnit)
declaravit (R. grunnit)
creavit (R. grunnit)
fecit (R. grunnit)
TE ... PONTIFICEM! (R. grunnit magna voce)

R. - Jocus est? vel error? Conclavus non elegit alterum Reginaldum?

I. - Non, Reginalde. Tu es Pontifex et Papa Noster. (osculat annulam)

R. - Ego Pontifex. (bibit) Bene, bene. Si Deus vult, et conclavus, fiat.

I. - Quid nomen tibi imponam?

R. - Quid nomen mihi impono? (bibit) ... Pius non sum... Clemens esse nolo... Leo ero!

I. - (audientibus) Habemus Papam! Cuius nomen est Pontifex Leo Decimus Quartus! (Reginaldo) Veni, Papa Leo, ad cardinales adloquendos.

(If you can't read this, learn Latin!) Reggie absolutely loved it. When Eric (who was playing Reggie) said 'Leo ero!' Reggie started cheering... it was really glorious. Once Reggie becomes pope, he sends all the cardinals to the airport for not knowing Latin, makes his 'amicas' at termini into new cardinals, changes the wednesdsay general audiences into Latin sessions, and issues encyclicals with titles like 'Boni Estote Tacetoteque' (Be good and shut up), 'Stercore Abundans' (Full of shit), and 'Nisi Fallor' (unless I'm wrong...). In the last one he declares that Popes cannot speak infallibly, and the last scene is a reporter (me) reporting on all of this and marvelling whether the decree is spoken infallibly or not.

It was really great.