Mean Girls and Cocktail Party Questions

I've been thinking a lot lately about:
A) Spenser
B) Rabelais
C) the anecdotal structure of travel narrative
D) If you were an animal, what kind of animal you would be?

Answer: D.

Yes, if you come across me at a party, dinner, club, or bar, I will invariably ask you this question or it's counter-part, if a movie star were playing you in a movie, who would it be? Of course, it's also fun when you assign animals to OTHER people without their knowledge, and you can be meaner, too. Huh, Rachel McAdams, what?

  

And so, on to my first pairing, helpfully anonymized by 19th century novelistic conceit:

Mr. R___ : Walrus. Styles himself the big gay teddy bear, when in fact - though he looks cuddly - he has sharp tusks and is very territorial. Entices unsuspecting oysters out to play on the beach, lulls them into security by talking "Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--/Of cabbages--and kings--." And then he eats them!



Next,

Ms. M___ (by her own devising) : Gazelle. (They proink.) A lithe-limbed, cloven-hoofed creature with a short attention span, examining bits of brush and dirt piles with great interest for hours at a time, and then, unexplainedly, blithely hopping off. (Proinking.) By and large a timid creature, though graceful. With an aversion to birds, I hear.



Yours Truly : A tough call. In college we decided I was a mink, the prettier version of the crafty weasel. SOMEONE, however, thinks I am now better categorized as cattus domesticus...